she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize