Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
