I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize