can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
