Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
