What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
