I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
