Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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