I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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