# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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