i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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