really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
