I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
