So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
