she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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