No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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