I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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