I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize