i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
