i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
