Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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