I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Randomize
