he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
