I woke up to her vacumming the grass
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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