If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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