Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
