Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
false alarm, still single
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
