i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize