Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
