can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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