Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
