Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
