That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
