All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
