What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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