I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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