I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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