Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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