even my farts smell like vagina
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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