Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
