We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
