so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
