apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
