My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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