That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
