why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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