week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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