3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
