Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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