need another drink. this is the easiest way
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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