Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
