I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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