We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
