I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
