I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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