Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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