Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
