Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
