she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
