I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
