Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
