if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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