Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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