fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
