Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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