ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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