I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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