im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
