I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
