She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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